|
|
Saturday, May 15th, 2010
| |
8:32 pm - 8 days clean
|
onthemend53188
|
hello all,
day, well night eight since my last fix and i'm slowly starting to fell better, not good, but better. question, is it odd that i don't desire to attend NA meetings because i don't think it's a good idea to be around addicts, in the past, of course not in a NA setting i'd be around other addicts and what did we do, not stay sober but go and score. i may have to go and see a drug consulor one on one, but one things for sure...i'm glad to out from under that sick
xoxoxoxo
current mood:  anxious
|
|
|
| Sunday, April 11th, 2010
| |
4:08 pm
|
jennylynn1689
|
Hey people.. I'm going to rehab soon.. 60 days sober today.. besides the xanies klonopins n vics I'm prescribed but I need support and I'm sure as hell not going to get any from the people I know.. I leave the 26th for 90 days at Black mountain, NC. Anyone interested in writing me? I'm Jen, age 20. DOC: Heroin, meth, oxys, the list goes on..
here's me: 
|
|
|
| Wednesday, March 24th, 2010
| |
3:12 pm - Already addicted - how can I overcome it?
|
tobaccosmoking
|
"Bad habits are like comfortable beds - easy to get into, but hard to get out of." -True, isn't it? Chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. That happened to me too. I'm smoking about 9 years, but I was still thinking that I am not addicted. But a certain situation made me realize that I am hooked.
I was never craving a cigarette in the morning. I could easily cope without smoking for few days or even 1-2 weeks. That's why I thought I am not addicted. However, I couldn't imagine having a party without cigarettes. I hardly ever went out tonight without a pack of Marlboro Menthol in my purse.
But now I started dating with the guy. I fell in love. It's not just an easy open relationship. It's something more. I want family with that person. I want kids.
He is former smoker. Who has ever quitted smoking, knows that former smokers can't stand cigarette smoke even harder than never smokers. So I don't smoke in his company cause I know that he wouldn't like it. And that is his right. It is my strong opinion that it is better when nobody smokes in a couple or both. But when one smokes, but the other one doesn't - it's too difficult to maintain such relationship. Especially if the smoker is a woman. So, to make a long story short, I don't know how to quit completely. I want to keep my relationship, but I feel that smoking can destroy it, because I can't tell him the truth and still feel miserable to lie. I can cope without smoking 2-3 weeks but as soon as I go out along, with my smoking friends, but without my boyfriend, I am craving to take a drag on a cigarette!!! Unfortunately, I have very weak willpower to overcome the addiction.
Help me, to escape this, please! Tell your story about quitting smoking. Tell me about your opinion as regards to my situation. May be I am not addicted if I can cope without cigarettes for several weaks?
current mood:  confused
|
|
|
| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
| |
12:48 pm - drunk logic
|
my_happy_places
|
Realize this is a little unusual, but can you lend your opinion on this for me: Clicky!
current mood:  thirsty
|
|
|
| Thursday, September 3rd, 2009
| |
1:02 pm - I can't smoke after this.
|
chainsawsean
|
I just found out about this really scary virus. I know a lot of people on here probably smoke, so I thought I would share this with you guys.
Sanford is my number one fear right now!
|
|
|
| Saturday, June 6th, 2009
| |
8:29 pm - Suggestions? Am I even an addict?
|
leap22
|
Hi. I'm new.
I don't even know if I'm a sex addict. All I know is that my sexual appetite is waaaaaay stronger than my boyfriend's. And as much as I plead and beg to have more sex, it's never enough. I feel like he's not trying. And now we're long distance, and I'm in HELL. It's like TORTURE. Just walking is torture. The slightest movement I make just makes me CRAZY for it and I can't have it because I'm in a monogomous relationship and he's not here. I don't know what to do. Is it unreasonable to want a lot of sex? I don't think so. I really don't. And anyway, what the hell am I supposed to do to give myself a release? Touching myself just doesn't satisfy me. At all. I have vibrators. Doesn't help. Other things don't help. Nothing helps.
What do I do?
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
| |
11:24 pm - Sigh...
|
|
| Thursday, April 16th, 2009
| |
11:12 am - Electronic Cigarettes a Hot Trend
|
teir_garten
|
x-posted
http://www.projo.com/news/content/E_Cigarettes_04-15-09_UAE0J6L_v14.273682d.html
PROVIDENCE — The last time Frank Meglio smoked a cigarette he had to plug it in and charge it. Then the 38-year-old Providence man inhaled through the white plastic cigarette-like tube, which activated a little lithium battery inside that produced a flame-like light, a smoke-like vapor and a nicotine hit.
Smoking’s gone high-tech.
Electronic cigarettes, or “e cigs” as they’re often called, have been in existence about a decade. But only recently, as tobacco cigarette prices soar, have they gained popularity, and controversy.
These products are being promoted as offering smokers the nicotine they want without the cancer-causing chemicals they don’t want. Since there’s no odor and no real smoke (just propylene glycol used in theatrical fog) or flame (just a tiny light at the tip for effect), they can be used indoors. They come in different flavors and four levels of nicotine dosages.
“Most people use it as a healthier way to smoke,” said Edwin Schwab, who works on the second floor of Providence Place at the kiosk of Smoking Everywhere, a U.S. distributor of e cigs. “It sounds absurd but it’s really true.”
What may make e cigs more appealing now than before is the recent rise in the price of cigarettes. Last week, Rhode Island raised its excise tax on cigarettes to $3.46 per pack, the highest in the country. And the federal excise tax rose from 39 cents per pack to $1.01. So a typical pack of smokes in the state now costs $8.35.
Compare that with a pack of e cigs: $2. Since they’re not cigarettes, they’re not taxed as cigarettes. They contain the drug nicotine, but aren’t regulated by the Food and Drug Administration –– at least not yet.
The FDA reports that it is “looking into this.” And it is getting encouragement to look thoroughly and decisively. Two months ago David Gifford, the state’s health director, wrote the FDA asking it to regulate e cigs because of their nicotine content.
“We don’t support e cigarettes,” said Annemarie Beardsworth, spokeswoman for the Rhode Island Department of Health. “Nicotine is an addictive substance.”
Any product promoting withdrawal from nicotine, she maintained , should be FDA-approved. “E cigarettes are not a regulated product. There is no identification required to purchase them. With tobacco you need to be 18.”
E cigarettes sold by Smoking Everywhere, a Florida-based company, come in various flavors: apple, cherry, strawberry and chocolate, among others.
A Smoking Everywhere starter kit, which comes with a charger and five tips, with each tip the equivalent of a pack of cigarettes, costs $130. Replacement packs of five tips cost $10.
Meglio used to smoke tobacco cigarettes, a pack a day, until Jan 1. On Jan. 2 he bought a Smoking Everywhere starter kit. He hasn’t smoked a real cigarette since. And previously he had tried other products to try to stop smoking. But nothing worked for long.
“I tried the gum and ended up with hiccups and it tastes really gross. With the patch, you’re getting nicotine all day. With this, I get what I need when I want it.”
Since January, Meglio has reduced the number of times a day he uses his e cig, and reduced the nicotine dosage of his e cigs. The question is: Has he has traded one form of nicotine addiction (cigarettes) for another (e cigarettes)?
“If I don’t quit, I’m still better off than smoking,” he maintains.
Schwab, 28, who smoked for roughly a decade, stopped when he began using e cigarettes, which he now sells.
“I believed in the product so much that I wanted to work for the company,” Schwab said.
It has been four months since Schwab smoked a tobacco cigarette. A friend had given him an e cig starter kit, which he ignored for a month, until one cold and snowy night he was going out with friends and didn’t feel like smoking outside. So he gave e cigs a try.
“It seemed bizarre and gimmicky. I just thought it wouldn’t work.”
Now it’s been a month since Schwab has had an e cig, which he attributes to changing his life.
“I realized smoking was slowly taking over my life. I was up to two packs a day. I was always in my basement or outside smoking. My car stunk. My clothes stunk. I couldn’t believe I was spending all this money to make my things stink.”
The Smoking Everywhere e cigarettes are sold at mall kiosks around the country. Steve Bayonne of Providence owns the one in Providence, which has been in operation for a few months.
“Once every 10 years there is a really good product that hits the market,” Bayonne said. “I heard about this last year and decided to move forward.”
Bayonne is not a smoker; he’s a businessman. Before becoming a Smoking Everywhere distributor, he gave the product to his friends who smoked.
“They all felt better on the product instantly.”
Bayonne said e cigs are “an alternative to smoking, not a smoking cessation product.” But the problem is one of perception. E cigs are offered in nicotine dosages of high, medium, low and none. The obvious inference is it can be used as a smoking-cessation product, and smoking-cessation products must be regulated by the FDA; this is not.
More needs to be known about e cigarettes, according to Jim Beardsworth, communications director for the Warwick-based Southern New England Region of the American Cancer Society.
“There is not a lot of data out there. There have not been clinical trials on this product. I do think it’s something that deserves tremendous caution.”
What does everyone think about these?
If you smoke: Would you consider switching to e-cigarettes as an alternative means of supporting a nicotine addiction? Would you consider yourself 'better off' than smoking a cigarette because e-cigarettes are, in theory, not cancer-causing? Would you consider switching to electronic cigarettes as a viable means to quit smoking?
If you do not smoke: Do you think that smokers who choose to switch to an electronic cigarette are making a wiser choice for their long-term health? Do you consider that the absence of tobacco in electronic cigarettes makes them 'healthier' than classic tobacco cigarettes?
Whether or not you smoke: Do you believe that this product should be regulated by the FDA? Do you believe that this product should be taxed as a cigarette, or a different drug altogether, or not at all? Do you consider this product a positive or negative influence on younger people or potential future-smokers?
|
|
|
| Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
| |
1:37 pm - Did someone pour sugar in my gas tank?
|
my_happy_places
|
12:39 AM 3/17/09 · I've long held that I'm addicted to sex. Seemed to have all the symptoms, my sex drive which was already high was on a seemingly neverending steady climb to even greater heights, and a number of other little things here and there. While I was still questioning it someone directed me to an online site for sex addicts and there was this little quiz dealio that you're supposed to take...
...and I scored really high.
Then again, I've always done well on tests.
Maybe "well" isn't the right word here.
On average I mastrubate (masturbate?) twice on any given day. If I try to interrupt that cycle it usually results into a sorta binge dealio up until the point I'm dehydrated; record is currently 9 times on a really hot afternoon. A big part o' why I'm so big into self·pleasure is because I don't normally orgasm during sex. I've been with 117 women and only 2 of them ever got me to orgasm.
Tend to discount 1 as she liberated me from my virginity. The other only managed to get me there after 9 hours of unrelenting sex.
We were just cool that way.
I got to a point where I wasn't having sex as much as I used to, disturbingly often with a multitude of months and once even a solid year without a willing woman to wrap around myself and us tearing into each other until we were left in a happy exhausted puddle of each other. It was a constant unending ache that getting myself off only eased the pain ever so slightly. I was starving for it, NEEDing it, going ½ outta my mind for it...
...and I ain't a bastion of sanity on the best o' days as it is.
So, sex addict. Easy to accept. Probably would've been easier to deal with if I hadn't gone the "best treatment for sex addiction is sex" route. Though admittedly that's improved greatly of late. Currently seeing 3 women, all of whom know about each other, and my NEED is purring like a kitten for the most part.
What's weird is my sex drive is doing something unusual. Where it was once constantly increasing...it's been decreasing of late. It's not like it hasn't fluctuated before, have a number of posts where I went off about something bizarre it was doing to me at one time or another, but this feels different.
Significantly different!
Ominously diff...I'm silly, sue me.
The only rational thing I can probably put to this is I'm 38 years old and, from what I've heard, sex drives tend to slump in men of my age range. This is kind of a relief as I'm not constantly aching for sex all the time now, though I'd be lying if I said the craving had gone away. There's also the annoying disadvantage that I'm not maintaining an erection as well as I used to. Normally I last up until the point I orgasm...which given I don't tend to orgasm during sex...
...well, you can do the math and see what I mean.
I used to laugh at those Cialis & Enzyte commercials.
Averaging only being able to maintain one for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour now. Still better than the ballpark average but unfortunately the fact I'm not maintaining as long does not mean I'm getting off any easier.
A working theory as to why my libido is doing this about figures to all I've got. Might not even be right. Still, I can't help but wonder if I ever was actually addicted to sex or just reacting to my insane sex drive.
Just because I hit all the symptoms doesn't necessarily mean anything...right?
current mood: nervous
|
|
|
| Monday, March 2nd, 2009
| |
7:29 pm - i wish to eat the world.
|
wisertoday
|
To me, being clean means being excited for my future. It was not a particularly notable day. As I sat on my bathroom floor, smoking a cigarette as I often do, out of nowhere I got the impression of something much bigger than the present. I felt like I wanted to eat the world. I wanted every emotion, every experience, every fact and every piece of knowledge inside of me. I felt like I did when I was a kid-- like the world was just big enough to be exciting and I was just eager enough to take it all on. I never, never felt like that when I was using. Then, I felt like the world was big enough to either elude me or crush me-- and I was just scared enough to give up the chase or give up the fight. Today, I remain horribly afraid of the world-- afraid both of what I know and what I do not know of it. But today, my fears are well-founded. I worry about things like my health, my resume, my family, my career, what I will have for dinner, where I will intern over the summer... When I was using, my only worry was “The Numbers Game”. How much could I find? How much did I take yesterday? Today? How much can I take tomorrow? What happens if I can’t find more until the day after tomorrow? Or next week? How many days until I panic? How much money do I have? How much money do I need? Worries, clean or using, are very real and very devastating. But when I was using, I could do nothing to ease my worries. If I could find my drug of choice, even in large amounts, I knew I would always need to find it again; that no amount, no matter how large, would last forever. I was absolutely powerless and totally in the hands of my suppliers. I could never, never relax. My habit required nothing short of religious vigilance. Clean, I can manage my worries. I can manage my worries because I can manage my life-- my drug and my suppliers aren’t managing it for me. I am not powerless at all; I am powerful. I’m still young and healthy, but I’m only healthy if I stay clean. My resume can be built, but I must be clean to build it. My career will be nothing short of outstanding so long as my addiction does not rob me of my will to become. As for my summer internship... just over one year ago today, I wanted to die on the closet floor. I prayed for it. And today I sit, on the brink of interning in a highly professional and selective environment-- worries in one hand; confidence, know-how, ambition and courage in the other. Today, I have the taste of the world in my mouth, and that is what being clean means to me.
|
|
|
| Monday, January 26th, 2009
| |
11:47 am - might be something up with my plumbing
|
my_happy_places
|
12:48 PM 1/24/09 · I've noticed lately, give or take the last couple weeks, that I'm getting myself off easier than I have before. It notmally takes me 45 minutes to an hour or more. Lately it's just been more like 10 to 15 minutes. I'm curious if possibly this might mean the rather scary amount of time it takes me to orgasm during sex would also be significantly lessened or not but I've been running into an issue there as well.
Don't seem to be maintaining an erection as much when sex with someone else is an option...
...kinda sorta maybe·ish.
I've noted before that a rather bizarre quirk of my sexual addiction is that I don't need sex to actually ease it off. Mastrubation takes the edge off a little bit but actually being with someone feeds it. It's the intimacy that seems to do it, I've lost all the pangs I have for sex just having slept with someone I care for.
I'm the kinda guy that when I say I "slept with someone" I'm not talking about sex. Just very plainspoken by nature. I mean "sex" I say sex...or fuck or boink or a bunch of other things but "sleep" is actual sleeping.
Moving right along...
My sex drive is as high as it ever was but the actual addiction seems to have gone on vacation. I would attribute this to the fact that one of the most regular recent women I've had in my bed has spent the night every Thursday for the past month and some change. Such lovely smooth skin, such a natural cuddler, such wonderful texture (inside joke) and she's just so giving of herself...I can't explain it but it seems to be doing the trick. We want to have sex but other than some oral and manual we really haven't.
Bit o' some technical difficulties involved there but that's not important to this post.
Haven't really explained the voraciousness of my sex drive before, it's a wonder I'm not crawling with all sorts of creepy crawlies inside but I'm not. When I was 22 years of age I'd only been with 3 women...
...by age 29 I'd been with +100 more.
Good times!
It's possible my needs being met, the no·sex·naked·time rubs a lot of sex addicts the wrong way as they say if that's what makes my sex addiction go away then I must not be a sex addict, is why could explain an interesting rash of erection issues...or it might be something else. My ability to maintain has been interrupted before when I've been in something of a funk. I'm not sad or depressed or anything but I have been feeling decidedly not right the alst few weeks. Not entirely sure why and whatever it is may blow over soon enough on its own but it is troubling.
Seems more than a little odd that I'm not feeling the pain my addiction usually brings me anymore and that's what is bothering me. Okay, sure...the not being able to maintain an erection thang is kinda bugging me too but I don't know what the average for holding on is. Normally I get one and if nothing is going down at the time it sticks around to watch TV with me for awhile...
...now it goes away in relatively short order.
Suppose it could just be me getting old.
I dunno...but there's one surefire test.
Of the 3 women I'm currently seeing, one of them is built like a pornstar. Well, not just built, used to be one. Regardless of what the truth of all this is, her effect on my system is like getting hit with a lightning bolt.
Just a matter of finding a loophole in her exceptionally busy schedule.
5:49 PM 1/25/09 · Was toying around with adstaining from any sexual activity for maybe about a week. I lasted all of about 2 hours, I've had myself some happies; 3 times. Although it would seem that having written this got whatever it may've been out of my system as I was back on my usual clock, so to speak.
Go figure.
current mood:  tired
|
|
|
| Thursday, October 16th, 2008
| |
12:46 pm
|
beatsoul
|
The immediacy of our digital age has done much to promote our addictions, most particularly the sexual ones.
Bulletin boards gave way to chat rooms. And then again, craigslist has become a BB dujour.
Now, I merely need to text my sexual accomplice with the coordinates of time and place.
Such ease, such simplicity - such efficiency - does more to normalize the exchange than detract.
I'll keep my 2:15 appointment, because I see no other way out.
|
|
|
| Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
| |
2:42 pm - methods of not going bonkers
|
my_happy_places
|
11:38 PM 9/30/08 · The first sex addict community I joined, and often seem to be the only posting memeber in, was ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.1) climbingthewall back in early 2004...ish. Fairly early on I made a blurb about having a bunch of ways of dealing with my addiction pangs when it really got bad and I promised to drum up a list.
I love writing lists.
It's a thing.
( a brief history with some current context )
- How I cope with my sex addiction:
- Well, there's always mastrubation...which I do a lot. Usually to help me goto sleep and then to help me wake up. It doesn't have to make sense.
- Really violent computer games! Don't know why it works but it does.
- Certain strong, but not rich, forms of chocolate. Particularly milk ones, it soothes the urge off for some reason or other. Doesn't last too long but every little bit helps.
- I should specify that I'm very literal. When I say "sleep" I mean literally that. I've found that sleeping with a friend or fuckbuddy, naked is a nice plus, also eases off the NEED quite well. I have no idea why this works, though I've a hunch, and it's usually only effective for a day or two.
- Lots and lots of television. Effective for a number of things that ail me...or so I like to tell myself.
- Eating. Not to excess but I enjoy food so much that I shut most everything else out because I so love the sensations of taste.
- I've mentioned before that little kids work too. Dunno why but when I'm around the tiny monsters my sex drive, and by extension sex addiction, shuts off completely. They tend to love me to death and I find them endlessly fascinating so it works out great. Downside is that as soon as they're gone the drive and addiction click right back on.
- Then there's typing. As anyone that reads either my sex journal or my main one can attest to, I post an insane amount of content. I also moderate a little over 100 communities which I also post to obsessively. If not for livejournal I'd be a real mess.
Realistically I suppose it would make more sense to get into some kind of program but I don't think that would go over so well for 2 reasons. In the first, what I know of some seems to involve a religious aspect which would likely clash with the fact I'm a non·religious polytheist. The other reason is I know myself well enough to know that no matter how sincere a commitment I made to a program, on some level I'd be sizing up others attending as potential sex partners. I'm under no illusions that it'd be anything like that nip/tuck scenario, or those 3 pages from The Darkness...but I'd still be looking.
Nobody's perfect.
current mood:  creative
|
|
|
| |
2:40 pm - might be worth a look
|
my_happy_places
|
On the NBC evening news, at 11pm, they're doing a program on sex addiction.
By the by, rather than do this in a separate post, someone who will remain nameless messaged me over the weekend with a complaint of sorts. It was said that my "HA HA, I LOVE SEX AND CHOCOLATE MAKES ME HAPPY" attitude was offensive to be posted in communities for sex addiction. I'd like to address that for a moment.
I am sorry that my not being a sullen, depressed, deeply pained, agonized moody, individual is bothering others with my affliction. I would apologize for this if I didn't think it was a ridiculous accusation to make. It's not that I'm not hurting and it is most certainly not that I am coming across as happy as some ploy to cause hardship on others. My nature is to be fairly goofy and silly and hopelessly optimistic and that may be the one thing, along with a strict sexual code I strive not to violate, that has prevented me from fully collapsing and giving into my urges in ways I would most certainly regret after the fact.
Basically, if said person is reading this, know that my being happy is my way of coping and while I may not always be as joyful as I appear (years of helping friends and strangers with their problems rather than deal with my own may've helped develop a slight facade) I am at least a bit. There are times I get so beyond sunk into a bottomless pit of despair that I shut down completely...
...but I have a multitude of ways to distract myself from there that have never grown old. Generally I don't write something up when I'm like that and by the time I'm in a typing mood again I'll recall what I went through but I'm in better spirits.
Or, to put it another way, if you can't deal with my not being a sullen, depressed (you know the rest)...tough.
current mood:  melancholy
|
|
|
| Friday, August 22nd, 2008
| |
2:35 pm - stroking my way to escapism
|
my_happy_places
|
9:39 AM 8/21/08 · Under normal conditions my sex drive is high but I've got something of a handle on it, no pun intended. May be that usually I'm working so it's not like I can haul out at the office and engage in some personal happy. Still feel the burning NEED but I can hold off from giving into it. Similar to when I'm visiting family for any length of time...
...on some level I view it innappropriate and just don't engage.
I haven't had sex since May, though I have engaged in a heated liplock for a couple hours since then. I was also laid off since then too. The two are not working well with each other right now as my sex drive is skyrocketing. This isn't unusual for this time of year which is either due to an ancient biological clock most human ignore nowadays and I'm reacting to it being mating season...
...or something about really hot weather just makes me horny as all get out.
Course, that's not the whole thing. Pretty much anything makes me horny. I actually texted about a dozen people yesterday asking them for something to help me take my mind off of sex. That didn't go so well. Got suggestions for cold shouwers, which I countered with I find the cold quite painful and that my brain immediately starts thinking sex to warm my body up. Some suggested exercise but that doesn't work as I view sex as a very gratifying form of exercise as it works out the entire body, if you're doing it right, and gets all systems operating at peak performance.
This is something of a problem in itself. About a decade back I used to challenge people to come up with anything that had nothing to do with sex and my overly imaginative head would spin off any number of ways of showing how it actually did. There may be things that have nothing to do with sex but I could still make it seem like it does regardless.
It's a curse.
Anyway, normally I only get myself off twice a day; once at night to help me sleep and once in the morning to help me wake up. Ironically, that morning one works against me if I don't get out of bed right after cuz I'll pass out. Given my little problem being what it is, tends to take me 45 minute to an hour to get myself to orgasm but it's usually time well spent. Even if the orgasm is a tad substandard...it still gives me what I need for a few hours.
Yes, I have a monkey in my lap.
Bet no one ever thought to phrase it like that before.
As I said, that's the normal way things go. Recently though I've been averaging between 2 to 5 times a day. Usually not quite so much....but it happens. Largely the only thing preventing from having sex is the ones I'm involved with are very into their own lives at the moment, got to make de big bucks, so that they have little time for anything else, like sleep. That's a small comfort but I still miss them and I'm horny as all get out and my brain's exploding...
...so I relieve the pressure in any way that I can.
I'm sure you can guess the most popular one.
Oddly, I'm not getting much in the way of dehydrated but I'm hardly complaining.
Tend to go Vaseline for myself, only really go water based lube when I'm having sex. It's a small benefit my own way as that first one is good for the skin on my hand and I've yet to find a good water based one that actually benefits my skin. Which may be something of a moot point given there was a recent bit on the news stating that most skin moisturizers have been shown to be cancer causers...
...and that's about that.
current mood:  energetic
|
|
|
| Thursday, August 14th, 2008
| |
12:17 pm - junk-free
|
scharkz
|
it's been 3 weeks since i've shot up.
every day is a struggle.
i wish i could blame it on my ex, but i did it because i wanted to.
heroin is visceral in the most profound sense.
it's hard. it is very hard. the cold sweats, the shakes, the nausea. i can still taste it in my veins.
and on top of it all, i am the only one of my friends dealing with such a problem at the moment. no one really wants to talk to me about this, no one really wants to admit i was doing it.
i was, and this is a problem.
i need help.
|
|
|
| Tuesday, August 5th, 2008
| |
1:14 pm - this post has a condom on it...
|
my_happy_places
|
...or, better to say, responses will be screened.
10:19 AM 8/2/08 · Heard on the burst of stuff I get with my morning news, alarm clock radio, that there's about 56,000 more cases of people infected with the HIV virus (since 2006) in the United States than was previously believed. This seemed as much a shock to the newscaster, who's repeated the announcement every 10 to 20 minutes, as it did to me. Even more of a shock, apparently, to the people that normally track these statistics who were blown away by this revelation.
So, I'm xposting this fairly heavily to get the widest range of responses to the following questions:
Do you use safe sex?
What is your preferred method of safe sex?
Do you always use safe sex or stop at some point with some people?
Do you also use safe sex for more than just intercourse?
Do you practice safe oral sex?
Individual mods of the communities I send this to, I hope this is okay.
current mood:  distressed
|
|
|
| Friday, August 1st, 2008
| |
4:36 pm - Tap... Tap... Hello?
|
sandypawozbun
|
Um... hi. I'm not sure if this community is very active any more, but I've only just found it.
I'm addicted to nicotine, and have been for twenty*cough*ish years. I started taking Champix around three weeks ago, and today is my fifth cigarette free day.
The hardest part for me right now is that I'm often mistaking cigarette cravings with hunger pangs. The result of this is I'm eating a lot of crap food right now. I don't like vegetables quite as much as that, so aside from vege sticks, can someone suggest something else to nibble on during the day?
current mood: anxious
|
|
|
| Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
| |
6:04 pm - and in my life
|
birdsongorg
|
I hurry on as the icy nails of an arctic wind rips at my flesh. I seem to vibrate with the icy cold which now seems to emanate from my very bones.
Tears freeze on my cheek as I yearn for even a moments rest, even the most incidental reprieve from this bitter, bitter place but I know I must trudge on for I am afraid I'll be found here, a once living statue, frozen in this agonizingly cold moment in time. I call out in terror but there is no one to hear me, no help will come. I am in the coldest place on Earth, Heroin Withdrawal . . . .
I have written before about my struggles with self-victimizing behavior in the form of a long term addiction. I am pleased to announce that I am, today, clean and sober.
However, the correlation between female survivors of early childhood trauma and females with addiction issues is incredibly high.
To expect a survivor of trauma who is self-medicating her PTSD symptoms to stop using drugs without first treating her trauma is VERY much like expecting a person to discard his crutches when his legs are still broken --- ain't gonna happen . . . .
However, with the correct treatment there is hope.
Do not hesitate to contact The Birdsong Organization for support and a treatment center in your area. Keep your heads up sister-survivors, fellow recovering addicts and those still struggling with the symptoms of their PTSD. We are here to help, don't hesitate to make that call or email.
Have a blessed day,
Celeste
current mood:  contemplative
|
|
|
| Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
| |
7:03 pm - Is there any hope?
|
amalthea81
|
I wish I could say I was "once addicted" but I am still very, very addicted to many things, but namely alcohol, food, and self injury. I want so very badly to stop all these things, but I can't seem to manage it no matter what.
It doesn't seem to me like I'm the only one who can't stop. I'm actually beginning to wonder if anyone can stop. It seems to me that everyone I've met who stops one addiction just picks up another. Especially with food.
I desperately want to meet a recovered bulimic who isn't fat, who doesn't still compulsively overeat, and who hasn't just switched addictions (i.e. now they just drink instead of eating or now they are anorexic & don't eat at all).
That's probably a horrible thing to say, but from where I stand, it's true. It's just so frustrating & upsetting to try to recover when it seems like there is no hope of being recovered without being humongous.
It's probably just my eating disorder talking & maybe part of being recovered is being able to accept being overweight, but it seems to me that the few people that I have seen who are in recovery just aren't fully recovered. They just stopped purging and now they either eat or get drunk.
Is there no hope? Is there no one to look up to? No real life role models who can say, "I did it & so can you!"
If they are out there, maybe they just leave the recovery circles and never look back. I can't say I blame them.
Thanks for listening.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
disappointed